First off, let me start by saying I am in no way qualified to give out advice on ANY level. I have simply reached a point in my life where I am struggling to make my way across a set of crossroads. I feel that maybe by relaying what I am going through in this forum with you all, I might get a better understanding of the path I am supposed to choose.
I'm a 30 something married father of 2. I love my family dearly and they are the one true joy in my life.
Lately I have been struggling with a few demons. Nothing too major, but strong enough to feel the need to share them here in hopes I can find some answers.
Over the past 15 or so years, I taught myself that it was okay to take whatever I did to the extreme, under the guise that I had an "Addictive Personality", like that was a free pass to abuse myself and others around me. I must have heard the term somewhere once, and thought that sounded as good an excuse as could be found for the way I act.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a chronic drug addict, alcoholic, gambler, sex addict, or anything of the nature, all though I probably have done my share of all the above at one time or another. My issue is the fact that I have lied to myself for so long that I am in control of my urges, that I've started to believe I truly am. When in fact I am NOT.
My main problem is I BINGE on what ever I am focused on at the moment. Be it Booze, Sex, Spending Cash...you name it. Afterwords, I am almost paralyzed with the guilt I feel about what has transpired. It's kind of funny, sometimes I don't know if I'm feeling guilty because of what I've done, or if I am afraid others might find out what I have done.
There in lies my other big problem. I care too much about what others think of me. I tend to go WAY overboard to win the approval of others, often to my own detriment. I don't really know where this came from in my personality. I have always been surrounded with friends and family. I have never lacked the ability to meet new people and strike up a conversation.
It is all very confusing to me, and I really would like to figure a few things out in my life. I'm sick of pretending things are going fine, because in reality, they are not. There I said it.
...Now anyone else feel the same, or have any suggestions or resources to learn from?
